I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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