ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
