she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
