I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
