I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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