Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
