I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
