Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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