if i died would you start the facebook group?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
