So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
