anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize