I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize