I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
