; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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