what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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