Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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