I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
