my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
