Too much gin, very little bucket
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
