He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize