Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
