just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
