I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
