so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
