My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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