I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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