On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
