I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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