shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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