Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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