i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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