shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
