I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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