Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
