He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i've created a new STD.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
