Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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