You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
