Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
