I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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