What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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