Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
