i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
