Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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