The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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