I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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