And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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