Yo dont text me then not text me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
