He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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