I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
