i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
