yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
