I'm jealous of your bromance
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
