in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to make out with him forever
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize