i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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