i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize