i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
