She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
