She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
