How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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