so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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