No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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