Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
