You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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