i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
