i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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