I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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