Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
