Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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