I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
