You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
