I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
