Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
