hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
