At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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