I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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