I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
