took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
