I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
