Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
