found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
