Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
