Where is the hickey?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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