so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
