My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
