So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
