I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
