shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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