so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
